I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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