Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
