The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
