Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
