all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
