she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
