so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
