i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
