she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The adults are the big ones right?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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