Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
