I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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