How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
