Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
