Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
