bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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