Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
