well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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