i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just found a bag of teeth...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
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