Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
When are your genitals available?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
