You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
