Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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