i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
