I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Randomize
