Porn is love you can see.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
