Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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