There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
