my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
