I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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