Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
