Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
