I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
