im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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