i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
being pregnant is like rehab
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
