I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
