I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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