So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
