Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
