what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
