Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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