oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
