My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
