Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
