He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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