I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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