Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
