left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
