I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
