THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
