At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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