i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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