Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
