Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
