I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
