It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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